Kitten Champion's Guide to a Moron's Forum Survival

[Kitten Champion]

http://www.sreality.org/bloodcyber.html


Because I'm feeling especially bored and helpful...

Kitten Champion's Guide to a Moron's Forum Survival

1. We don't talk about Ninjaburger here. This isn't some twisted outgrowth of Fight Club mentality, it's just fact. Ninjaburger exists, it's all there for you to look at and laugh over at the main page. There's plenty of things on the topic of Ninjaburger, at the actual website, so don't come in here expecting discussions about deliveries, fast food, or anything else. We leave that to other websites who have yet to feel the warm, inviting kiss of a Ninjaburger link, so we're over it on the home front, and will make fun of you for talking about it.

2. We don't talk about martial arts here. There are lots of forums you can go to, if you would like a serious discourse on the best way to clean your haori or tie your hakama or study Niten-Ryu. If you decide to come here and talk about martial arts in a tone neither sarcastic nor ironis, we will make fun of you. If you have trouble finding a website with a forum where you can discuss lofty items such as these, here are three people who will at least pretend to be nice to you about your stupidity and incapacity to open a Google window.

-Wado
-Izeyoi
-Ninja Gremlin

Any of them will point you in the right direction, so you can leave the rest of us the hell alone.

3. We're not very active. You can pretty much count on one hand the number of people who show up regularly. This is because most of the people before you were idiots who didn't follow the first two rules, and because we do have lives outside of a gray box (most of us, anyway, I really don't). If you start to complain about there being so few people here to talk to, we will make fun of you. Your other option is to simply post so much stupidity in inundates the forum and makes you beloved, but in the same way there is a subtle difference between a lover's caress and a ten-man bukkake team, there is also a line between being stupid funny and being someone we'll end up not enjoying.

4. Roll with the conversation. This is a big thing is most forums, especially Ninjaburger. The conversation is very likely to be off-track by the second page, if not halfway through the first. As such, you have to condition yourself to the tone of the posts. Don't get half-cocked and angry at someone when they make a joke or observation you don't like. Unless everyone else is being a jerk, you shouldn't be one either. If you can't tell the difference, we will make fun of you or ignore you altogether. Spontanaeity is king here, a maddening king yes, but it's our king.

5. Be funny. Usually we're all pretty much in joking moods here. Don't log on if you're going to start sermonzing or getting things involved that aren't funny, because we don't care about serious crap like that. There's enough serious horsefeathers out in the world beyond the gray and blue template of DER FORGE, and we don't need it here. Also, if you act serous or offended, we will make fun of you.

6. The Moderators have no middle-ground. There is no warning system here, where Shinku, Ninja Gamer, and El Bandito will send you a stern private message to behave yourself. If you fuck up bad enough, they make one email to Our Lord and Savior Aeforum and you're not coming back. That said, you have to truly and spectacularly fuck up to get sent home. They'll edit your posts and be funny about it, but they're basically pushovers as long as you aren't consistently an idiot to the point no one is liking it. As a matter of fact, the moderators here are especially easy-going due to the nature of the forum. So while you probably can screw around consistently and be a blistering asshole without getting thrown offstage by Sandman, it's best not to tempt them. They don't do much here anyway except have a title, so giving them an excuse to make the call puts a big sick grin on their faces.

7. Pictures good, words better. Eventually, you're going to discover the randomness and sheer bliss of the Google Image Search. And once you've popped your search cherry, you're going to want to show everyone here what you've learned. Unfortunately, we don't care. Random images are okay, especially if they tie in to whatever stupidity we're discussing at the moment, but if you starts posting just images, you will be made fun of, ignored, and told to go away while we talk about El Bandito's penis. The ONLY exception to this rule is cosplay, because frankly, seeing people dress up like Japanese cartoons is funny. Also, hot-girl cosplay is advocated and encouraged even more strongly. random Penny Arcade, 8-Bit Theatre, or other bastions of not-hot-girl-cosplay however, will usually be ignored. Also AIM chatlogs have never and will never be funny in any context outside of the people involved in it. This goes double for things you saw on TV, the internet, flash games, quizzes, and webcomics. These threads die fast and derail even faster.

8. Finally, if for some reason you've stayed here, weathered all the madness, whimsical braindead arguments, and so forth, long enough, you'll become one of us. There's no real hazing here, especially if you follow these rules not to be an idiot, you should have a very easy time here being accepted. Sure, we might like you eventually anyway, but following these rules makes it easier for you.

Also this happy fellow, angrypuppy , is Angry Puppy. Your master, Your light in the ineffable darkness. If you do not know how to use him, don't make yourself look like an idiot by putting it up anyway. The best way to learn is to see how his greatness is employed.

[furryjonny]

Despite this thread having a completely and utterly stupid name, I reckon that this should be made sticky or something as it has a brilliant guide for n00bs, as well as a near perfect example of what not to do at the top.

[Shinku-san]

All very accurate except for number six. In some cases (i.e. not a blatent attempt to flood or spam the board) where a person is...well, 'trying' is probably the wrong word, but anyhow, I will actually send them a warning. I sent one to that Badger guy and one to rainbow features or whatever.

Secondly we don't E-mail Aeon, we just tell him in our handy-dandy secret threads that you don't believe exist ^_^

[Kitten Champion]

All very accurate except for number six. In some cases (i.e. not a blatent attempt to flood or spam the board) where a person is...well, 'trying' is probably the wrong word, but anyhow, I will actually send them a warning. I sent one to that Badger guy and one to rainbow features or whatever.

Secondly we don't E-mail Aeon, we just tell him in our handy-dandy secret threads that you don't believe exist ^_^

SECRET THREADS AND WARNINGS EXIST ONLY IN FAIRY TALES
I WILL HEAR NO MORE OF YOUR LIES

[Ninja Gamer]

What ever happened to Wado's post of a similer nature?

[Kitten Champion]

Most forums have some sort of sticky or headline where the rules are given to new people, why should Ninja Burger be any different simply because we're all lesbian fangirls and/or sadistic sex perverts?

I don't know what happened to Wado's but it was better than mine is. Especially since Shinku says they actually do put effort into dealing with bad apples.

Ah... for the days when being a moderator meant nothing but having a title...

[wado]

uh....wow.

The essence of this place in one post.

[Sutenki]

I want to have secret hidden posts! I'll make them in another forum and jsut not tell anyone! HA!

[Twelfth]

Damn KC, that's perfect.

Take note, anyone joining after 10:47am, GMT (DST) today. Everything within that post is accurate, vital, and after you've been here for a while, stating the obvious. You no longer have an excuse.

[Nikkoru]

I would like to add, from my own personal experience - and that of the realninja/sutenki episode, if you get in one of these stupid pointless and idiotic debates that sometimes happen if you are being overly antagonistic:

- Don't use sedatives

- Give up if it is clear you are losing

- always wear pants or some sort of clothing when typing in this forum.

- don't just start insulting the other person, and get all huffy, because even if you are completely and totally wrong it can be forgotten in a simple topic change or misdirection, however completely making yourself out to be an ass will tend to be remembered.


- because I haven't posted one in a while

[furryjonny]

Despite this thread having a completely and utterly stupid name, I reckon that this should be made sticky or something as it has a brilliant guide for n00bs, as well as a near perfect example of what not to do at the top.

Has this thread been made sticky as a direct consequence of my post?

[Nikkoru]

prehaps, since you have made this a sticky thread, that you should rename it "the guide to new forum users" similar to the one before about the dos and don'ts of internet use. As turnip is just pretty confusing.

[Sutenki]

What about onions and wasn't I informed that onions were involved?!

[Nikkoru]

onions? I wrote that accidently as I sometimes confuse onions and turnips.. for no specific reason.