Things for our new mascot to do

[Jeff]

Okay, first off, we need a picture for the front page. Then we'll start in on a Mascot Training Regiment to get you pumped up enough to kick ass on other satire/gaming/nerd/geek sites. After that, Ken will sew you a costume. And then the tattoo and bio-implants. We'll figure out the rest later.

[Jeff]

You know, Cappy disappears and this Gillman guy shows up? Are you thinking what I'm thinking?


Gillman must be a whale.

[zer0]

No dude, he's obviously the creature from the Black Lagoon! I mean, c'mon, "Gillman"? Duh!

[Gillman]

Bingo.

I don't have many digital pics of myself. Perhaps when Ken gets home, we can use his camera....

[Ken]

Gillman is our new Cappy Ahab. It's the 2004 model.

I told Rahul we'd sell him out as our mascot as soon as we met someone more famous. Little did I know that we'd sell out Rahul before he even excepted the mascot position AND for someone who was less famous.

So what should the NA!P mascot costume look like?

[Jeff]

And Ken is now 13 for 10,308 on using the wrong homophone!

[Brent]

Originally posted by Ken So what should the NA!P mascot costume look like? [/B]Oh, I'm sure you, armed with your camera, will figure out some way to get Robbie out of uniform anyway, so I guess it should look a lot like a birthday suit.

[Jeff]

He should wear glasses and a green suit with tons of different colored question marks all over it. Oh, and act all manic and stuff.

[Ken]

Dude, he does that anyway.

[Gillman]

Ya' know, if Rahul is all hurt by this, I could be co-mascot.

[Jeff]

Rahul can be Captain of the NA!P Safety Patrol.

Of course, if Rahul wants to do it also, we can always have two mascots. Where is Rahul living right now? New York?

[zer0]

Dibs on drawing his costume for the main page! Dibs! Dibs!

BTW Brent, where's my entry in the staff bios-page? You prooooooomised! Don't make me come over there! :)

[Jeff]

He promised? What gives him the right?! He's only NA!P Custodian.

[zer0]

Well, see, I drew that new logo fot TNN, and then he promised I would... and the staff page... and an entry about yours truly... and... Ah, fuck it, I'm too drunk right now! I love all y'all guys! Peace!!

[Jeff]

How come you're drunk? I'm not drunk! Ken, get me drunk! I mean, MASCOT, get me a beer! And be quick about it! We should get our readers to send gifts to the mascot. Mascot, get a PO Box!

Maybe the Mascot should be an Ambassador to other web pages also? Our mascot needs a name too! And pink hair. Dye your hair pink, mascot. Wait, don't do that. I want pink hair.

[zer0]

I just want hair, period! I haven't had any hair since I was 17 years old! Damn premature baldness, I want my damn hair back! And I want it to be pink, just like Jeff's! And I want a beer! Hop to it, mascot! And don't forget to cure my premature baldness syndrome! I'm a-waiting! I've been waiting for a long time now.

Waiting for a saviour in these dirty streets
Waiting for a saviour beneath these dirty sheets

PS: Am still drunk! :)

[Jeff]

Isn't all baldness really premature? Hair should stay in until you're a corpse, ya know?

Maybe zer0 is a zombie!

[Ken]

I just talked to Rahul. He lives in Los Angeles now. I should see him this weekend since he'll be up in the Bay Area. I'll see if he wants to be mascot or would rather be Captain of the NA!P Safety Patrol. I was Captain of the Sutter School Safety Patrol in 6th grade. I ruled with an iron fist. If you didn't hold the stop sign straight and have your left hand behind your back in just the right manner, you were out! Man I loved the power!

[zer0]

Braaaaaaaaaaaiiinssssss..!

[Gillman]

The Mascot will not fail!

http://www.thegoattavern.com/index.htm

and

http://www.pugryans.com/msaguestbook/guestbook.html

There's your beer. Up to you to pick it up.

.... there used to be a website where bars would register and you could e-mail coupons to friends that were good for one free beer. I think it's gone. (this was real. Not the Urban Legend.)

As for hair....well, I seem to remember that there was a way to make hair grow on your palms. Maybe you could try that, then get one of those transplant operations?

[zer0]

Like, dude, doesn't getting hairy palms have something to do with, like, masturbating when you're in your teens or something?

Nah, probably not. Cause than I'd have an entire wig in each palm by now.

Damn you, puberty.

[Jeff]

Were you really captain or are you just lying to impress unregistered?

I did Crossing Guard at Haman for a year so that I could go to Great America. It was for half a year, I think. Maybe the whole year. Anyway, the next year I did Glee Club to go to Great America because that lasted like two weeks.

[kendalchen]

I've heard before that Jeff was crossing guard, and only now did I make the connection that this is someone who says that traffic rules are more "suggestions" than laws. So one wonders what kind of crossing guard he would've been.

You should have tandem mascots, because both their names start with R's, and it's great to be functionally alliterate.

[zer0]

For some reason the idea of Jeff as a crossing guard invokes mental images in me of a smiling, long-haired guy extorting milk money from the kids as a "protection fee" and teaching them to cuss!

PS: Am hungover.