The Death of Cappy Ahad, Redux?

[Brent]

On the 17th, it will have been an entire month (even if that month is actually short a day or two due to February's fucked-up short-ass crap shit) since Cappy graced us with his presence.

I propose we conduct a real fake funeral, with all kinds of stuff and the like.

I shall prepare the most beautiful free-form haiku ever composed for the event.

[zer0]

Dude, I'm actually kinda worried about him. Yes, really! Do you think he's suffered some horrible kind of personal tragedy or death in the family or accident or something like that? He does seem very accident-prone, so I guess that would explain his absence from the forum and all...

Whatever it is, I hope he gets back soon. This place isn't quite the same without him. Never thought I'd say it, but I miss him!

[Brent]

You are teh ghey! You are teh ghey!

Admitz it! Admitz it!

[zer0]

KEN INFECTED ME!!! KEN INFECTED ME!!!!!

[Brent]

That just may well be Cappy's epitaph. Nicely done, zer0!

[zer0]

But is/was he really called "Ahad"? That's what you've written in the thread title. Or is "Ahad" his dark, evil siamese twin which was surgically removed from him at birth and is now plotting the downfall of all mankind using specially trained whales?

[Brent]

Geez Louise, how did Ken infect me with his misspell virus??

I've been very, very bad, mommy.

[Jeff]

Cappy is morning the fact that Dwarflover doesn't update and NA!P is just a worthless husk of electrons without it.

[Brent]

The death of Cappy
Silence fills these once-loud halls
Drink Coca-Cola

[zer0]

Is Cappy dead or
just out hunting whales?
Isn't it spelled "mourning"?

[Jeff]

Dude, 'Morning' is the American version. You Damn Foreigners and all of your extra 'U's.

Either that or Ken bit me too.

[Jeff]

Or I might have meant 'mooning' also. I don't remember.

[zer0]

It's not polite to moon the dead. Goooooooooood mouuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrning Vietnaaaaaaaaaam!!!

[Cappy Ahab]

Good grief.

After turning my little finger into tomato puree, filling my lungs with bacterial fluid due to exhaustive working hours, getting mugged in St. Louis, swindled in Chicago and tolled to death on a half-mile stretch on the George Bush Freeway in Dallas, as well as single-handedly raising in excess of of $750,000 from major donors to our little whaling operation, the decrepit and prematurely decaying mad Admiral decided it was time to downsize the fleet. Something about me spending too much time on the internet. Blah blah blah.

Okay, the last part about the internet isn't true. The mad Admiral doesn't know it has been invented yet. And, now that they've cut the only vessel in the fleet, they suddenly have no whales or revenue at all!

But egads, mates, I could have been dead, or...worse...zer0, for all you knew.

And this thread was the send off?

Jeepers. Avast. I'm going to go another afternoon screening of the Passion if this is all that my mysterious vanishings can muster anymore.

By the way, my super top secret sojourn to Southern California that was previously clandestinely scheduled for May has, obviously, been postponed. But mark my words, Portland is not necessarily off the schedule...

[Jeff]

I'm not a whale! I'm not a whale!

[Jeff]

Oh yeah. Also, are little goodbye to the dead was pretty pathetic. But I'm sure Nicole did a super naked handstand in red, white and blue socks for you.

[zer0]

Isn't it spelled "our"?

And Mongo complains about my spelling. Sheesh! I'm in morning!

[Ken]

Darn. I was just finishing my epic "Ode to Cappy" to post here, and now Cappy's had to go and ruin it by being alive. I'll save it for a rainy day.

[Jeff]

Can I sue Ken four screwing up my ability two use the correct word?

[Brent]

The word you're looking for is "sew"

[Jeff]

Sew doesn't sound anything like sue. What are you, a retarded?

[Brent]

Nuh-uh! You're the one using the wrong "sue"

SUUUUUU-EEEEEE!

[zer0]

Life will be full of tears for a boy named Sew.