View Full Version : "She died, dude"
Brent
12-04-2003, 02:48 PM
If you're not watching Survivor, you're missing the funniest thing on TV right now. Except for The Simple Life. That shit's hilarious.
Cappy Ahab
12-04-2003, 03:26 PM
I got up this morning at 3:30 am to watch music videos. The OutKast one with the lawn jockeys and sixties spoofs is hilarious. But nothing beats a good dead grandmother scam, I admit. I still miss the giant piratey guy who basically outclassed everyone in intellect, strength, wisdom and skullduggery by 20,000 leagues. The producers need to figure out how to put a more compelling "fix" in.
Is the Simple Life the one with Paris Hilton and Lionel Ritchie's daughter? I saw the end of that last night. I used to work on a dairy farm and I couldn't believe that the farmer guy didn't make them treat mastitis (syringe--teat--hijinks ensue) nor that he didn't hose the girls down to keep the Chanel from tainting the filters. Also, why did he have them filling glass bottles individually, when he didn't run his own tanker operation? I mean, come on, who isn't going to catch that one?
Reality, my eye.
You used to work on a farm?
Really?
Haha, farmboy! :D
(By the way, Who died? I don't watch survivor or other crap like that. At least not the American version. I'm not sure, but I don't think they show that in Sweden.)
Cappy Ahab
12-05-2003, 07:19 AM
Yes they do, but it has a different name in Sweden: Europe Reunion Concert (http://colddeadfish.com/Rants/swedish.htm).
Brent
12-05-2003, 09:31 AM
Cherokee!
Unhh!
Marching down the trail of tears!
The Grinch
12-05-2003, 09:41 AM
I get the dead grandmother scam at least once a semester around exam time. They need to make this guy cough up a death certificate or an obituary or vote his ass out.
Brent
12-05-2003, 11:36 AM
Nice. How do you react? You should learn how to squeeze out tears whenever you hear such news!
Cappy Ahab
12-05-2003, 11:48 AM
I also can't wait to see the semi-annual beatdown that Johnnie Fairplay takes on his scraggly little noggin from obsessed fans who wished the real big giant pirate had killed his grandma. Like me.
Brent
12-05-2003, 02:05 PM
The only people lamer than Fairplay are the chicks who keep him around. Man, girls don't rule on Survivor.
Cappy Ahab
12-05-2003, 03:07 PM
Oh yeah? I'd bet my cameo that Sandra wins and gets to sleep with Clay Aiken as first prize.
Brent
12-05-2003, 03:10 PM
Oh yeah? I just bet!
Man, I missed the entire Christa getting voted out episode due to my tv/vcr combo having some super secret built in system for recording programs.
Apparently, after setting up the timer, you have to push two buttons on the remote at the same time to ready the timer. Possibly you have to cut the blue wire also, but I'm not too clear on this as I have yet to tape something using the timer.
Moofawhoosh
12-05-2003, 08:42 PM
Man its notthe bleu wire its the red 1
Cappy Ahab
12-08-2003, 09:02 AM
No no no, Jeff. Tape Friends, watch Survivor live. You've got it all reversed.
It's okay, Joey will wait for you.
Brent
12-08-2003, 11:51 AM
Har. That's how my system works. I probably wouldn't tape Friends if Scrubs weren't on the same night.
Scrubs is goooooooooood.
Moofawhoosh
12-08-2003, 12:22 PM
I got better thing to do on whateva night on tv that is, why don't you go out and make real friends, or kidnap some people and make you own suriveroir?
Damn, dude! You didn't manage to spell "survivor" right even though several people had already spelled it out before you, and all you had to do was copy it!
Moofawhoosh
12-08-2003, 12:59 PM
So what i can't spell, i am still able to say what i want. Its my right a a blood giver, and a Canadain. Thou i am not the best speller i am still very smrt, and i can still say what i want
Cappy Ahab
12-08-2003, 01:05 PM
He/She's got you there zer0.
Moofawhoosh
12-08-2003, 01:06 PM
He and thank you
Isn't "smrt" and "Canadian" an oxymoron or something?
Sorry; "smart". Just like Elisabeth.
Dude, I was only taping Survivor because I was doing that whole 'go out and make real friends' thing. I don't watch nor tape Friends. I have better things to do on whateva night that is on. Like watch Survivor!
Moofawhoosh is funny. Saying things like it is smart when it is so obviously the opposite of smart. That makes it kind of smart in a post generation x sort of way, doesn't it?
Cappy Ahab
12-08-2003, 03:31 PM
Wait a minute. So you are telling me that you taped Survivor and Friends? And then you had dinner with the Friends? And then Solomon Grundy came and ruined dinner and Robin got into a lame fistfight with the bread server at Fazoli's?
Wow! What did Chandler do? I bet you he said something sarcastic. What a hoot! Man, Jeff, you really do live the life.
Chandler said, "Can you be any more gay?" when Robin asked for Diet Coke. It was really funny and everyone laughed a whole bunch. Except Bizarro. Who killed Chandler.
tHt wsa liek totaly smrt, whateva!
Cappy Ahab
12-08-2003, 03:37 PM
Finally! It has taken me a year and about 70 posts, but I finally got someone to play the SuperSecret SuperFriends/Friends Crossover Game(tm)!
Jeff, with your one and only entry referencing both Bizarro and Chandler in the same post, you win! No Joey Bonus for you, but that's okay, you are still champion!
How could I get the Joey bonus? Joey was killed in epsiode 23ab when he went back in time with Black Lightning and Apache Chief. They walked into a bar and Black Lightning said, "I'll have a whiskey." Apache Chief then ordered the same. So, Joey says, "Hey, this reminds me of a joke! An italian, a negro and an injun all walk into a bar. But it was a gay bar!" So Napoleon killed him.
Cappy Ahab
12-08-2003, 03:48 PM
That explains the remake of "Lost in Space" pretty clearly.
Man, Seanbaby's Superfriends-page (http://www.seanbaby.com/super.htm) totally owns! Even though Seanbaby hasn't bothred to update his website in like 2 years, ever since he got that job as a fancy journalist. In San Francisco. Yep, ol' GAY San Francisco. Yep.
No linking to Seanbaby on this forum! zer0, you lose!
Seanbaby and I have had a heated rivalry ever since he had better seats at the Norm Macdonald event than I did. And he didn't know who I was. He will paaaaaaaaaaay!
Pshaw! Those celebrities; they're all alike, I tells ya!
And I can't lose! I never participated! The rules say you can't disqualify someone who isn't in the game, so that means I win by walk-over! I win! zer0 rules!
And my first act as ruler shall be to build a great bulldozer. With which I will plow the fucking town in which I currently live to the ground. Man, I can't wait to get out of here! This place is the shits.
It's still not as bad as being snubbed by an arrogant, openly gay webmaster with a pink punk hairstyle, though.
Moofawhoosh
12-08-2003, 07:12 PM
Whats wrong with a pink punk hairstyle? I don't have one, but if someone is an open flamer that just means one less person is under homo-suspension zero
Is "homo-suspension zero" the lowest level? Or are there like several levels all above each other? In that case, where should we place Tom Cruise?
Or is it like an exciting novel or movie, where "homo suspension zero" is the least gay-exciting part of the book, where you practically fall asleep reading it?
I think I may just interpret Moofawhoosh's posts any way I see fit from now on, 'cause I'll be damned if can discern their intended meaning.
Cappy Ahab
12-09-2003, 08:15 AM
That's good, considering how you were probably semi-damned anyhow. Might as well follow through.
"Semi-damned"? Dude, I sold my soul to Satan when I was 10!
I think it was for an issue of "Playboy". Sure hope it was worth it.
Cappy Ahab
12-10-2003, 01:28 PM
Sure it wasn't for a copy of "Plowboy?" That would explain Ken's strange attraction to you.
"Plowboy"? Are you sure you aren't confusing Ken's desires with erotic litterature stemming from your own, twisted background as a farm hand?
Speaking of which: "Massive Udders" is a top-quality publication!
Cappy Ahab
12-10-2003, 01:43 PM
That only appeals to Swedes, what with their butter churn, wooden shoe, secret bank account fetish. Wait, I'm thinking of the Latvians.
Which one are you again?
I'm an alien, sent here to observe you all through electronic forums. SHHHHHHH!
Chocolate Ninja
12-11-2003, 07:27 AM
Yes... squeal for us piggies, squeal! *starts playing Redemption theme on banjo*
I wonder if Jesus played a banjo?
Cappy Ahab
12-12-2003, 07:25 AM
I wonder if Burton played a retard?
Burton! What an ass! How'd y'all like his death speech where he tells Lil he hopes she can live with herself for breaking their alliance? Yet he had just written her name down himself? What a total whiny bitch!
Hey! I think DICK is Burton! Maybe that's why he was gone for so long!
No, I'm pretty sure he was gone for so long because he had to weave an intricate illusion to the rest of us that he was travelling to China and all around the world, when in fact he never left his living room because he's a broke biatch and that's why we never recieved any postcards from him in the first place. I really like Vanilla Coke.
Brent
12-13-2003, 01:55 PM
Originally posted by Jeff
Burton! What an ass! How'd y'all like his death speech where he tells Lil he hopes she can live with herself for breaking their alliance? Yet he had just written her name down himself? What a total whiny bitch!
Hey! I think DICK is Burton! Maybe that's why he was gone for so long!
Yeah, that was the best laugh ever! What a fuck. Man, them bitches were nailed when Burton picked Fairplay for that reward trip. "The girls are too stupid to beat us." Famous last words, loser.
Cappy Ahab
12-16-2003, 10:08 AM
And, as I foretold, Sandra won it all. I've paid my money, I've predicted the future and I've even studied local Brisbane television programming.
Where's my cameo?
Brent
12-16-2003, 11:26 AM
Lill lost it when Lill kept referring to Lill in the third-person.
Plus, Tijuana voted for her. That's when I knew for sure Lill lost, because Ti always made the Wrong Decision.
The Grinch
12-16-2003, 11:35 AM
The black helicopter crowd is saying that the outcome was fixed because the network wanted a Hispanic winner. I don't give a rip myself - just as long as golden boy with the fake dead grandmother got NOTHING! MUAHAHAHA! If I'd been on the jury I'd have voted for Lill just 'cause she kicked his weasel ass out. Of course I liked Sandra too, 'cause she saw him for what he was before anyone else.
The black helicopter crowd is offended that you would think we care anything about television shows being fixed. Especially if it involves racism. Now, if Lill were an alien, the black helicopter crowd might be upset.
Cappy Ahab
01-15-2004, 12:40 PM
I now predict that Trish will marry Bob on the All-Star Survivor episodes. That cameo shall be mine!
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