View Full Version : Plain English
Brent
12-01-2003, 01:01 PM
Apparently, Donald Rumsfeld won the "Foot in Mouth" award for this statement:
"Reports that say something hasn't happened are interesting to me, because as we know, there are known unknowns; there things we know we know.
"We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know."
It reads like one of Cappy's articles!
(By the way, Cappy, send me a new one!)
Cappy Ahab
12-01-2003, 03:06 PM
1) Rumsfield is totally correct.
2) The idiot press and the idiot public haven't the attention span to realize the linguistic genius that the Secretary of Defense displays, and
3) Here is your article:
DATELINE District of Columbia
In a stunning political comeback, six former U.S. presidents literally rose from the dead early Sunday morning, gathering at the Lincoln Memorial for a breakfast "meet and greet." Reporters from CBS Sunday Morning and Sit and Be Fit! were on hand to witness the evocation of the rarely utilized 28th Amendment [Presidential Council Powers of Coup d'etat]. Under the guidelines of this amendment, a council of five or more former presidents may be called at any time to overthrow any or all of the existing three branches of the federal government.
Calvin "Silent Cal" Coolidge, Martin "Marty" Van Buren, John Quincy "The Coroner" Adams, Herbert Hoover, Millard Fillmore and Michael Dukakis gathered in a sinister huddle to discuss the future of the country. Former President Gerald Ford was also on hand but for an unrelated promotional event for Excelsior Arch Supports.
When the council was informed that Michael Dukakis had never actually been elected president and may indeed be considered technically alive by some members of the medical community, Fillmore rolled his one good eye out of its socket and Adams moaned incoherently. When asked which branch of government the council planned to overthrow, council members began to punch one another very slowly.
Mary Ann Wilson, host of public television's wildly popular exercise program for the elderly, brought a chair and a resistance band for the council to engage in some no-impact movement exercises. Wilson said, "It didn't go as planned. They ate the chair."
Early reports indicated that a seventh former president was among the council, but this was erroneous. Gerald Ford was seen admiring the texture of the concrete on the Washington Mall and had been mistaken for a risen corpse. When asked to comment on the mix-up, Ford blinked, then pointed to a cloud that looked like a potato.
The Grinch
12-02-2003, 09:40 AM
Sounds like the Democratic primary debates. On the other hand, I agree with Rumsfeld - stuff that hasn't happened is always the most interesting. Remember when aliens ate Hugh Grant's brain at the Oscars, and left a set of chattering teeth in its place? That never happened either, but it was pretty interesting. And the stuff that we don't even know hasn't happened is the most interesting of all. When you find out it hasn't happened, it loses some of the mystery that makes it so compelling.
Brent
12-02-2003, 11:00 AM
Man, Grinch, you're such an amateur! No wonder Rumsfeld wiped the floor with you in that nonsense debate back in '83. He's a pro, you're just Midnight at the Apollo.
Cappy Ahab
12-02-2003, 11:12 AM
That's Midnight at the Oasis, Showtime at the Apollo.
Brent
12-02-2003, 12:08 PM
Damn you, Cappy... DAMN YOU STRAIGHT TO THE BOWELS OF HELL!
The Grinch
12-03-2003, 12:05 PM
Midnight at the Apollo sounds like some kind of gay thing anyway. If that's what y'all are into that's fine but it ain't my thing ;)
Brent
12-03-2003, 05:38 PM
Yeah, because "SHOWTIME! At the APOLLO!" sounds so straight.
Maybe it is.
The Grinch
12-07-2003, 05:47 PM
Speaking of shows, The Last Samurai is an awesome movie. A tad predictable in parts, but a great flick nonetheless. Probably the best thing I've seen this year. And there's no gay stuff in it, except at the very beginning.
Nicole
12-07-2003, 11:59 PM
I bet Cabin Fever is better.
Reasons why Cabin Fever is a better movie than the Last Samurai (even though I haven't seen either film):
1) Cabin Fever doesn't have Tom Cruise innit.
2) Cabin Fever has flesh eating virus thingers.
3) Peter Jackson likes Cabin Fever, ergo it must be good.
4) Cabin Fever is Tom Cruise-less.
The end.
Cappy Ahab
12-08-2003, 09:03 AM
I bet Cabin Boy beats 'em both. And Nicole's just mad at Tom because he left her for another foreigner. She probably could have handled it if he'd just shacked up with Steve Irwin. At least he would have stayed in-country.
Brent
12-08-2003, 11:50 AM
Yeah, saw The Last Samurai, decent flick.
Had to laugh when Cruise, voicing over an image of a guy stirring a tea pot and "expertly" placing the ladle on top of the pot, said "They demand perfection of everything they do" (or something like that).
Battle's were pretty sweet.
Moofawhoosh
12-08-2003, 01:16 PM
See but your both right and wrong, simple cause its your own oppoins, first of all, you should think about the fact that some of us can't watch moives cause they mostly suck and and predictable as anything ever, you should condiser the unconsder, way that the world spins in spot and moves with force!
Cappy Ahab
12-08-2003, 01:23 PM
No one told me that DICK had a baby! I always thought he was sterile!
As far as the Last Samurai goes, I loved the part when he pushed the Postman off of Waterworld into a sea of green tea.
Man, Waterworld rules! Especially the crappy, stilted voiceover in the beginning!
Top Shogun had no gay parts in it? What about the one Tom Cruise played?
And I have to assume Cabin Boy was much better than both movies named.
THESE PIPES ARE CLEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN!
Cappy Ahab
12-08-2003, 03:33 PM
I knew Jeff would be good for a snappy Cabin Boy reference. Can't beat that.
Moofawhoosh
12-08-2003, 07:14 PM
Zeros right once , everyone round of applose waterworls was a great movie and still is!!!:eek:
Don't you mean he's both right and wrong?
Oh, sorry, I think I'm not quoting you correctly. Just re-arrange a bunch of those letters or take some of them out and add others. That should be close enough.
Zeros right once , everyone round of applose waterworls was a great movie and still is!!!
I read this stuff, and all I hear is "WE GET SIGNAL!" and "WHAT YOU SAY?!"
Nicole
12-09-2003, 03:33 AM
Really? I read it and go, "WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!?" and implode.
Makes it hard to type, sometimes.
Is it true that aussie chicks implode automatically as a defensive mechanism when they feel threatened? Or when you tickle them on the tummy?
Nicole
12-09-2003, 03:50 AM
Get away from my belly! *brandishes poison claw*
Eep! Aussie lassies truly are the most dangerous chicks in the world! Must... defend... self..! *puts on Viking helmet, brandishes broadsword, sacks small village*
Man, I get on a plane and ignore the forum for a couple of days, and look what I come back to: incomprehensible postings; poison claws; Cabin Boy ("I went up a cabin boy but have come down a cabin man!); Tom Cruise; Friends and Super Friends crossovers; fan mail; um, and I'm sure some other stuff. That will teach me to leave again.
I'm trapped in CA for three weeks. It's sort of like Survivor, except it's not.
Cappy Ahab
12-09-2003, 08:18 AM
I was trapped in the CIA once, but I used my pyrokinetic skills to light Drew Barrymore's jeans jacket on fire.
Don't worry, it didn't fit her anymore. In addition, I turned George C. Scott into an Seminole mystic.
I turned George C. Scott into Ebenezer Scrooge once.
Then I turned him into the main character in "Hardcore", just to enjoy the clashing difference.
Chocolate Ninja
12-11-2003, 07:24 AM
I ate beer and drank pizza once. But that was back when I was still Chaos, god of mayhem!
I was once turned into a seminole mystic by a punning whaler.
Cappy Ahab
12-12-2003, 07:04 AM
Who's Mr. Punny? A misintelligence!
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