View Full Version : Nauru Gets a New Constitution!
Brent
11-12-2003, 10:08 AM
The results are underwelming, but Nauru gets a plurality, so let's get to work.
Uhm... where do we start? With theory? Sure, let's start with theoretical government structures. Go ahead. Now!
Cappy Ahab
11-12-2003, 10:21 AM
Pants-free Oligarchy for all Free Republics!
Now!
A puppet government ran by corporations which are, in turn, run by secret shadowy groups based in ancient ritual and funny costumes.
I think the process of laws and law making in Nauru should constantly circle around smoking fermented guano and getting high before doing anything important. In fact; smoking fermented guano should be the basis for all government in Nauru.
Brent
11-13-2003, 10:24 AM
Cappy, this is for a single nation, not a manifesto for all nations. Although we can incorporate such a manifesto into the constitution.
Jeff, let's not repeat another country's ways -- time for something new, baby! Besides, whatever government the new constitution embraces, it'll end up ruled by corporations which are, in turn, run by secret shadowy groups based in ancient ritual and funny costumes.
zer0, of course we can have the government do any sort of ritual we want them to -- but what kind of government will be doing so?
Is this a democracy? An oligarchy? A republic? What kind of republic -- democratic, solicialist, tribal (and so on)? Or do you have a new form of government in mind which you want to propose? We have a friend who's father developed a "lottery democracy" plan -- neat, crackpot idea.
GO NOW!
Can we have a Democratic Cannibalistic Government? Something where the winner gets to eat the brains, heart and genitals of the loser in elections?
Cappy Ahab
11-13-2003, 12:04 PM
How about an Ollie Ollie Ollie Ots In Freegarchy?
Basically, government officials are elected randomly from the general population each day to play a huge game of Hide and Seek. At the end of the day, a winner is declared and he or she wins one-three hundred sixty fifth of the country's Gross Domestic Product. Everyone else goes home empty handed.
This is repeated every day so that by the end of one calendar year, there are 365 very wealthy people in the country, with 365 more to come over the course of the next year. In time, everyone in a small country like this one would have at least one family member who is ridiculously wealthy!
In the meantime, a huge alms taking industry would emerge to cover the short term poverty!
And what, pray tell, will be the primary industry? Disposable paper cup factories, of course! Big propaganda billboards will dot the capital city with slogans like: Waste Paper Cups All You Want! The People Will Make More!
The Grinch
11-13-2003, 01:11 PM
How about this: Everbody draws straws. Loser has to be president.
No no no no no! A giant one-week long rave dance-a-thon is held annually on top of a giant pile of bird feces to decide who becomes president. Before the rave, everyone gets high by smoking bird feces. THEN they play hide and seek for the title of vice president! THEN they cannibalize the losers in a grotesque display of colorful and picturesque local flavour (as Twoflower would say.)
See? It's so easy when you work together, isn't it?
I think Nauru should be a fascist dictatorship. Every man, woman and child should be forced to dig deep into the shit-mines for the evil Australian government. And the president would answer directly to the australians. And he wouldn't be called "president", but rather "first Kev" or "prime Barry" or some such.
Amendment two in the constitution should dictate that the country has to have a minimum of at least 50 detention camps at all times. This would be to fill out the giant gaping holes left over from the constant shit-mining.
The Grinch
11-13-2003, 01:43 PM
How about rule by guys with pointed sticks? Just like "Lord of the Flies".
The prime Kev could definetly have a pointed stick. It could be appointed to him after he won the rave by a special council of mad australian landowners. Oh! Oh! Oh! And they could make him DRAW the stick from a bundle of sticks, Grinch! That way, if he drew the short stick, they'd throw him into a shit-mine and the one-week drug induced rave-a-thon would begin all over again! Kinda like letting fate decide and him being appointed by God, or something. Except the australians would call God "Sheila" and sacrifice new born roos drenched in Foster's to Him!! While the theme from "Neighbours" played in the background!
Oh... eh... sorry, Nicole..! :)
Nicole
11-13-2003, 04:09 PM
Garn.
What about a government ruled by naked chicks doing handstands in their socks? Instead of having laws where the president has to be a citizen born within the country or of a certain age, the only condition would she'd have to be super hot. And she would have to eat the loser of the election. Oh yeah baby!
Nicole
11-13-2003, 07:42 PM
Originally posted by Jeff
And she would have to eat the loser of the election. Oh yeah baby!
Dude, you're making the WILD assumption that this country is going to have a two-party system. HA. One-party system, my friend. Even *that* would be too much to handle.
Damn, you're right! The winner would have to eat the LOSERS of the election! OOOOOO-rgy! We'll have at least a twenty, thirty party system of hot chicks.
How about just "party" system? With lots of sex and drugs? Mostly sex.
I think it would rule.
"Nauru - the first Party State!"
The Grinch
11-14-2003, 10:15 AM
Now we're getting somewhere. Only, would the naked chicks doing handstands in their socks have the socks on their hands or on their feet? And are they really naked if they're wearing socks? We'd need to specify that, or it'll end up in the courts for years. Unless we ban lawyers - that would be a good thing. And maybe it would just be easier to make the whole country clothing-optional. Our leading imports would be beer and sunscreen.
Damn. Do you think this is how the Founding Fathers started out their discussions on America's constitutions?
"Dude! Naked chicks in socks!"
"A-ha! But if they are wearing socks, ipso facto detatum, they are not naked!"
"And where, exactly, are the socks?"
"Who cares? She's NAKED!"
"Again, is she really naked?"
"I've got a boner, dude!"
"What about free speech?"
"Fuck that! Naked chicks rule!"
Gotta respect those founding fathers for actually getting past the dreams of a country run by naked chicks and wild sex orgies.
Hey! How about instead of banning lawyers altogether, the country designates one person as Final Arbiter. Did I spell that right? F-I-N-A-L?
Brent
11-14-2003, 11:36 AM
Is the Final Arbiter a life-long position, appointed regularly, voted upon regularly?
It's lifelong and determined by bloodline.
Couldn't he be determined by the Australians and called the "Final Bruce" instead?
Man, who knew that designing a constitution could be so much work. I would prefer some sort of revolving government set up:
Mondays & Fridays: Limited Democracy
Tuesdays: Constitutional Monarchy
Wednesdays: Dictatorship
Thursdays: New Dictatorship (after the weekly Wednesday Night Coup)
Saturday & Sunday: Anarchy (unless that's not really a form of government. In which case, the government simply takes the weekend off and resumes on Monday with the Limited Democracy)
Hey, whoa, stop now! That's actually a good idea! If we combine this wih the worlds first party state and some form of the final arbiter, I think we're in business here! The worlds first revolving governent party-hard arbiter state! What do you lot say?
Cappy Ahab
11-17-2003, 07:35 AM
I'm all for it, but charisma has to count for something. That means Jeff's in and Ken's out.
Or vice versa.
Hey, I'm all charisma, buddy! No wait. That's Christmas. Never mind. Jeff's your man.
Cappy Ahab
11-17-2003, 08:16 AM
Crazy Jeff drinks to the brainfest club (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&safe=off&q=crazy+Jeff+drinks+to+the+brainfest+club).
So I guess you are right.
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