View Full Version : Single shittiest film ever
Let's discuss which of the movies we've seen throughout our lives that could most easily earn the award of "Single Shittiest Film Crapstravaganza Ever Made"!
I nominate "Street Fighter - the live action movie" with Jean-Claude van Damne. Who wants to go next?
No surprise to anyone who knows me: Passenger 57.
aeforum
11-11-2003, 09:44 PM
The worst I've ever seen was probably Barb Wire.
Also see
http://www.imdb.com/bottom_100_films
Nicole
11-11-2003, 10:58 PM
If it's not Curse of the Cannibal Confederates (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0129855/), then it certainly has to be Return of the Rollerblade Seven (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0107954/). Hoo boy. I think i'd rather watch Legally Blonde than either of those again.
Maybe. :eek:
The worst I've ever seen was probably Barb Wire.
Heh. Yeah. None of the stupid kids I hung out with at the time seemed to realize it was just a really shitty rip-off of "Casablanca". I was not surpirised, considering the general level of IQ in most people.
Ever read Bad Astronomy.com (http://www.badastronomy.com/)? Try reading his review of Armageddon (http://www.badastronomy.com/bad/movies/armpitageddon.html)! Now THERE'S a shitty flick! Not as bad as "Street Fighter" or any of the others mentioned here, but still ludicriously silly from a scientific point of view. Oh, and in that same vein, let's not forget the shitfest called The Core (http://www.intuitor.com/moviephysics/core.html)!
Oh! Oh! Best scene of any movie! Steve Buscemi gets SPACE MADNESS! Bwa ha ha ha ha! Armageddon was soooooo bad. It was one long series of ever increasing things going wrong.
CONFLICT! BUILDS! CHARACTER!
And Nicole, your movies don't count! There is spend a whole lot of money on a movie packed with trite formulas and sledgehammer cliches and then there are low budget eyesores that are bad in their very own special way.
Didn't The Core have something to do with the Earth's magnetic fields reversing? Magneto of X-Men fame always threatens with that too. But nothing bad ever happens when the Earth's magnetic field reverses poles. It's happened a few times over the millennia. What IS bad is if it just plain goes away.
Nicole
11-12-2003, 03:58 AM
Originally posted by Jeff
There is spend a whole lot of money on a movie packed with trite formulas and sledgehammer cliches
Oh! Well.
There are just too many to choose from. I quit.
Oh! Oh! Best scene of any movie! Steve Buscemi gets SPACE MADNESS!
I must say, I really preferred Ren & Stimpy's (http://ourworld.cs.com/WeezelX/rs/madness.html) version of it. Eh, Nicole?
ANNOUNCER: "Can he resist the temptation to push the button that, even now, beckons him even closer? Will he succumb to the maddening urge to eradicate history? At the MERE...PUSH...of a SINGLE...BUTTON! The beeyootiful SHINY button! The jolly CANDY-LIKE button! Will he hold out, folks? CAN he hold out?"
STIMPY: "NO!!! I CAN'T!!!EEEEEYAAAHHHH!" (pushes button)
Didn't The Core have something to do with the Earth's magnetic fields reversing?
Yeah. What's funny is, of course, that the trailer for the move claims something like; "Every X million years, the Earth's magnetic field reverses itself, killing ALL life on the planet!!!" (DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOOOOOOOOOM!!!)
Erm... All life on the planet? Then how the fuck are we here?! The magnetic field has reversed itself several times over the time the Earth has harbored life!
Nicole
11-12-2003, 04:15 AM
Originally posted by zer0
I must say, I really preferred Ren & Stimpy's (http://ourworld.cs.com/WeezelX/rs/madness.html) version of it. Eh, Nicole?
ANNOUNCER: "Can he resist the temptation to push the button that, even now, beckons him even closer? Will he succumb to the maddening urge to eradicate history? At the MERE...PUSH...of a SINGLE...BUTTON! The beeyootiful SHINY button! The jolly CANDY-LIKE button! Will he hold out, folks? CAN he hold out?"
STIMPY: "NO!!! I CAN'T!!!EEEEEYAAAHHHH!" (pushes button)
I <3 STIMPY.
Chocolate Ninja
11-12-2003, 04:37 AM
Ah, Ren and Stimpy. They could easily kick Spongebob's ass.
Nicole
11-12-2003, 04:43 AM
I like to think of cartoons as BRS (Before Ren and Stimpy) and ARS (After Ren and Stimpy) - it's the only real way to judge them, after all.
I heard that new Ren and Stimpy was being made, with John K at the helm... I don't know when (or if) it'll happen, but OH BOY am I looking forward to that.
(Please never confuse BRS or ARS with IRS. That might get ugly.)
Well, the Ren & Stimpy version would be better because by 'best' I didn't really mean good.
And, um, yeah. The Earth's magnetic field reversing does NOTHING! Reverses can be pinpointed pretty accurately and none coincide with any huge loss of life.
But I'm scared of everything!
I'm scared of squids. Really! It's a very silly phobia.
Cappy Ahab
11-12-2003, 07:18 AM
There isn't such a thing as a bad movie, only bad movie viewers. If there weren't all you naysayers coming down so hard on all these quality Hollywood productions, no one would ever believe in bad movies.
That being said, Ghost sucked. Suck suck sucked.
Can I vote for a movie that hasn't been completed yet? And I'll base that vote on limited knowledge of one scene. Some film crew recently came to my brother's small town in Montana and needed extras. They were filming at some old prison there, and my brother got cast as a prison guard who was supposed to help put down a prison riot. The main problem was that no one else showed up to be an extra. So this riot consisted of three inmates battling two prison guards. My brother has absolutely no acting experience whatsoever, and he was told to just adlib lines as he was pushing the "hordes" of prisoners back. So he came up with such gems as, "Hey you, get back" and "Quit pushing me." At one point, the director wanted to do a scene where a prisoner threw a burning chair at my brother, and in trying to coach my brother in reacting properly to the situation, he asked, "How would you react if someone threw a burning chair at you?" And my brother, the consummate actor, said, "Well, I'd duck." So then they filmed a scene where someone threw a burning chair at my brother, and he ducked. It was the best $75 my brother ever earned. This should be quite a film if it ever gets completed. The working title is something like "I Loved the Executioner."
Cappy Ahab
11-12-2003, 09:26 AM
You mean Love Comes to the Executioner? Starring Jonathan Tucker?
I've been waiting for this one forever! I have all the action figures!
Does that mean your brother lives in Deerlodge?
He's gonna be famous!
Brent
11-12-2003, 10:04 AM
Har har har. You're brother, who may be 100 pounds soaking wet, taking on the prisoner "hoardes" -- what an image. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THIS MOST AWESOME MOVIE!
The worst movie of all time is THE MESSENGER. I hated THE MESSENGER. The. Worst. Flick. EVAH!
The Grinch
11-12-2003, 10:47 AM
Worst movie ever? Easy - it's a tie between all movies featuring Hugh Grant.:rolleyes:
Cappy Ahab
11-12-2003, 11:21 AM
Oh, I thought he was terrific as Frodo.
Shit. It is "Love Comes to the Executioner." I can't believe it's actually going to be a "real" movie. I assumed it was some stupid student project or something. Yes, my brother lives in Deer Lodge.
About a Boy was a great movie. Man, The Grinch is wrong AGAIN!
*kudos to Judd Winnick*
Brent
11-13-2003, 10:26 AM
BWA HA HA HA!
Cappy Ahab
11-13-2003, 12:18 PM
Ken, your brother got ripped off if he only made 75 bucks. He probably sold his action-figure rights, too. He should start production on his own sequel: "Love Comes For the Executioner II: The Emaciated Prison Guard's Revenge."
That'll teach them. Deer Lodge is the Hollywood of the states near Canada.
The Grinch
11-13-2003, 01:36 PM
Thought of one that didn't have Hugh Grant. Night of the Lepus (http://www.agonybooth.com/lepus/). But it did have one redeeming quality - it was so stupid it was hilarious. And Hugh Grant wasn't in it. Two redeeming qualities. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Brent
11-13-2003, 03:17 PM
Originally posted by The Grinch
Thought of one that didn't have Hugh Grant. Night of the Lepus (http://www.agonybooth.com/lepus/). But it did have one redeeming quality - it was so stupid it was hilarious. And Hugh Grant wasn't in it. Two redeeming qualities. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
See, if it's so stupid that it's hilarious, that makes it a not shitty flick.
Shit like The Messenger, which is so shitty and yet boring and stupid and not fun at all, that's what I'm thinking makes a shitty flick.
Shit. Man, that word used to be a no-no when I was a kid. Now it's just sweet.
Yeah it's fun being able to swear! Hey, y'all wanna learn some swedish cusswords? "Djävlar!", "Helvete!", "Fan också!" Those words used to be no-nos at our house when I was a kid. 'Course, my dad still cussed all the time which used to drive my mom apeshit. Growing up sometimes sucks, but one cool thing (apart from being allowed to buy booze) is that you're allowed to say "shit" as much as you want. I mean, today I know why my dad was so fond of it! :D
Brent
11-13-2003, 04:38 PM
I think I need a pronunciation key!
[Hael-vae-teeh]
[Jaev-laar] (Be sure to put emphasis on first syllable like: "JÄV-lar!")
[Fa-en ok-saa] (Again, emphasis on first syllable: "FA-en också!")
Great for when you've locked the keys out of your car, squeezed your finger in a doorframe, slipped on an icey puddle in the street, seen your favourite team lose in hockey, gotten beat up, etc. Amuse your friends! Confuse your enemies! Or was it the other way around? Fan också!
Nicole
11-13-2003, 04:54 PM
You crazy kids.
I can swear in Australian! Oh Paul Hogans! Crikey! Give me another beer, naked handstand chick in the socks! Fucking Nauru and their monopoly on birdshit.
Nicole
11-13-2003, 07:46 PM
More unshakable proof that Jeff really is Alstralian and is fooling us all by living in America.
Tsk, tsk. Just own up to it, Jeff.
Ken, your brother got ripped off if he only made 75 bucks.
I talked to my brother two days ago, and it looks like he's getting stiffed on the $75. They haven't paid him yet, and it doesn't look too good that they will.
That's even better! Because now your brother can sue for a share of the box office profits!
Brent
11-14-2003, 10:06 AM
Because, you know, he's going to be the highlight of the film. An inspiration to all smallish prison guards everywhere, especially Italy.
The Grinch
11-14-2003, 10:08 AM
"Helvete" is a cuss word? I thought it was what the Swiss call themselves. "Helvetia, land of the Helvetes." What's the deal? Do the Swedes hate the Swiss so much they made them a cuss word, or do the Swiss just really hate themselves?
Actually, it just means "hell". Like in "What the", you know?
The Grinch
11-14-2003, 10:19 AM
So the Swiss think they live in Hell? Bah. Switzerland ain't Hell. Hell's a New England state.
I dunno about no Swiss, but I do know where the word "helvete" - as well as the word hell in your language - comes from originally. "Hell" is a bastardisation of the word "helvete" which was in turn spread to ye olde England by the Vikings thousands of years ago. "Helvete" is actually two words; "Hel" and "vete". "Hel" was the mysterious ruler of the Viking underworld, which existed below mid-world in Yggdrasil, the world-tree of Viking belief. "Vete" means "knows". Thusly, when early Vikings told someone to go to Helvete, it meant "go to only Hel knows where, ya prick!". Later this, and Hel herself, came to be translated by early christian belief in to meaning "gehenna", and "Hel" became incorporated into the existing picture of Satan.
Bow to tha loremaster! :D I know Ahab loves Viking trivia. Where is he anyway?
Cappy Ahab
11-17-2003, 07:32 AM
Just...writing...all...this...down.
In Helvetica font, of course.
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