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zer0
09-17-2003, 04:22 AM
I first came into contact with this dude (http://findthetruthhere.tripod.com/asiostory.htm) in alt.games.neverwinter-nights. There they were, post after normal post, and then - suddenly! I came across what can only be described as pure comedic gold; namely a post entitled "How the brain Surgeon removed critical parts of my brain using spoon to kill me" What the hell was this? What was it doing in a Neverwinter Nights -forum?! Reading it I realized that the world might, just might, have succesfully found a suitable replacement for the late Francis E Dec! After all, here was an obviously schizophrenic religious nutcase posting shit like:

"Assalam u’Alekum,
Here is the rest of Surgeon story, you know why this cop and surgeon opened my brain with drill, because apparently they wanted to do experiments of slaves and mice to find out weather in some conditions house hold tools can be used to do brain surgery. This incident occurred only two months after I was kidnapped by Mahmud Kurchu. And nothing really had happened yet. It is amazing that just because this John named teacher was against me, people came to my home to remove critical parts of my brain.

This is what happened, when he came in the room, the cop told him this guy is Timothy and I have the proof. So this brain surgeon started operating without asking him about he proof. And let us just ask for a second even if I was/am a bad guy you don’t go removing people’s brains, you don’t give them miserable death, what kind of humanity are you talking about, what kind of moral values allow you to do this. My teachers in 1995 have told me you are a lot more intelligent than anyone we ever came across in our life. So make sure both of today’ self proclaimed just parties will remove your brain, they will consider you a threat. And that fact is ASIO proved them right. The problem is on both sides, they actually have developed a system that suits both sides and they both have control over people on other side, Graham Sayers gave this statement in 2001 and earlier I had heard similar statements from local agents.

So he deliberately removed my brain, actually after a few seconds he had removed the blood clot, but the cop reminded him again he is timothy, and told him there is NASA’s camera and microphone in this room so speak slowly. This is all thanks to that John named teacher and Mike McCain, I wonder if they ever thought the rest of human children have feelings too. Funny part if people like Cebrail Bulut who gave me bio weapons for brain Tumor are never ever touched, the people who are really active with bad guys. They are only good are raping those who never ever gave bio weapons."

Top that, mr Dec! :D Reading various newsgroups I've come into contact with this psycho more than once. He always posts in groups like alt.games.neverwinter-nights and the like, groups which doesn't have the slightest fucking thing to do with the message he's obviously trying to convey, whatever the fuck it might be. This guy totally owns, as far as schizophrenic comedy goes. And just now I finally managed to find this page (http://findthetruthhere.tripod.com/asiostory.htm) where his collected wit and wisdom is posted! Read this stuff, it rules so fucking much..! I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. Eat your blackened Gangster ghetto-communist Frankenstein Computer God manipulated parroting puppet racist heart out, mr. Dec!

Ken
09-17-2003, 08:31 AM
Funny how remarkably similar that is to letters I receive from my friend Andy:

Dear Ken,

How are you? Am glad to saw you at the parking lot. For a long time I feel little dizzy. Am still kid of heart but I have zoo without cages. I had fun at the Santa Clara event. I saw Kate Staffer been woman. I saw Powerful Girls. How they came about Their scientist spelled some liquid. Got Jo Jo evil. In now days as times went by I do like named of Nicole. Ever since be author named after. At the celebration I expected to eat later but took a long Time with Fire to bake chicken at Santa Clara event today. I forgot your wife's named. One of thing you did changed you had beard. I haven't seen Boo Boo as Clara for long time at the Break Away Camp. You told me long time ago of Friend Lucy Welsh. I hope see More people were teenagers From Break Away Camp. I swam at the timpany center and knew a girl on wheel chair, named Kathrin.

Your Friend,
Andy

Cappy Ahab
09-17-2003, 08:52 AM
Good Lord. Why in heaven's name haven't you published the letters at NA!P? My man, don't you realize that you have a veritable publishing empire at your beck and call? What the world needs now is Andy, preferably in quasi-comic book format.

zer0
09-17-2003, 11:16 AM
Ooh! Ooh! Dibs on drawing that comic! Cappy/Ken can write the script if they want to!

Jeff
09-17-2003, 01:21 PM
Actually, I don't find the two similar at all. Except for the fact that they're not 'normal'. But the paranoia inherent in the first just make it obviously schizophrenic while the other is filled with innocence and beauty. Autism at its best.

By the way, is that a new letter? The zoo without cages seems familiar though. But then, doesn't everything Andy say seem somewhat familiar? Like he's tapped into something bigger?

A big sword. It is a good weapon to have.

When is his book going to be published?

Brent
09-17-2003, 01:31 PM
Trust me, we've been telling Ken this for years, even back when we published the GHC fanzine. But, you know, Ken is gay.


Originally posted by Cappy Ahab
Good Lord. Why in heaven's name haven't you published the letters at NA!P? My man, don't you realize that you have a veritable publishing empire at your beck and call? What the world needs now is Andy, preferably in quasi-comic book format.

zer0
09-17-2003, 01:35 PM
I think it's because Surgeon removed Part of his Brain.

Ken
09-18-2003, 02:12 PM
The Andy letter above is not a new one. It's almost a year old. I need to write him again so that he'll write back again. Here's another one that I think I shared with Brent and Jeff. It's the last one I received from him:

Dear Ken,

I went to Santa Clara recreation and saw my friend Clara. Clara likes ever thing. She has brother named John. Either way might compare "He isn't heavily my brother!" She is Asian Indian. I might see one of people you do familiar as Lucy Welsh again.

I like the song Mrs. Robinson. And I hadn't see Carolyn Harper for a long time. I do miss Lori Policky. Etc. I do know lots women.

How is Molly? My Dad met Nita when my sister told her lie & explained and went out. At Spartan City. Lie was "hit with clothes hanger." Last time at the Boardwalk a little girl helped me got off ride, swing forget called. I been to Bon Fante Gardens. I took nap at the first aid station, they don't mind. I do miss Janelle and your dog. I hadn't seen friend you don't know a long Liz Danner. I do remember you told real named Elizabeth. Do you listen to ABBA? Actually written with backward B.

I used to has Fisher Price dolls, but still hanged on to it ever since being kid on Amarillo Road. Had you watched Reading Rainbow? It is ok but I still watch easy show and continue be child of heart.

Your friend,
Andy

zer0
09-18-2003, 02:16 PM
Andy reminds me of Forrest Gump. I very much like Andy. He's probably the nicest person I've never met.

Jeff
09-18-2003, 03:40 PM
I've never met him either and I love him. So get your grubby mitts off of my man, zer0!

zer0
09-18-2003, 04:38 PM
The Ken virus is spreading fast, I see. Damn you, Umbrella Corporation!

Brent
09-19-2003, 09:25 AM
BWA HA HA HA HA HA!

zer0
09-23-2003, 06:42 AM
UPDATE! There is now a positively scarifying countdown timer (http://findthetruthhere.tripod.com/) on the page (just scroll down until you see it), along with the priceless words "Hello cowardly coward bad guys how are you doing :) Here is my countDown animation I hope you like it :). I think you should take this deadline(8:30pm 20th of Ramadan around 14th Nov. this year) very very seriously :)"

I don't know about you guys, but this message gives me the creeps. I dunno, maybe it's just all the smileys embedded in the nice, threatening message that does it... And what the fuck will happen on the 14th of November?? Will the Surgeon arrive To revove Other part Of Brain with Spoon again? Guess we'll just have to wait to find out. If USA is obliterated in an all-out muslim atomic attack I get everyones Heroclix, OK?

EDIT: Oh, yeah! There is also this message a bit lower down in the text: "After the deadline...
Please make sure you access http://deadline.islamicsocieties.com after the deadline, please keep close eye on the newsgroups, mailing list around and after the deadline." Make sure you obey! FOR YOUR ONLY HOPE FOR A FUTURE!! Oh, and I really like the constant grammatic repetitions!

kendalchen
12-20-2003, 11:48 AM
I would post the text in here, but Jeff has indicated he doesn't want to read it till he reads it. If that makes any sense. It made sense when he said it, but not when I resay it?
Yeah. http://tronvega.diaryland.com/020720_76.html

Sounds not unlike twelve monkays.

I would not have found that if I hadn't been searching google.de for ways to explain Jimmy Swaggart to a German. The same site that gives the Jimmy Swaggart scandal as background to Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode also gives this interesting background (http://www.kauft-vernunft.de/archiv/popsplits/s8.htm) on the origin of the What's the Frequency, Kenneth song. Predictably, it's in German.

Ken
12-23-2003, 08:42 AM
I love it in "It's a Wonderful Life" when the angel convinces Jimmy Swaggart not to jump off the bridge. And when the bell rings and we know that an angel has just gotten its wings, that's classic.

Sorry, channeling Cappy there for an instant.

Brent
12-23-2003, 09:32 AM
Speaking of It's a Wonderful Life... (http://www.noapologiespress.com/editorial/mongo/gdxmas.html)

The Grinch
12-23-2003, 12:34 PM
I think I see potential for a new NA!P feature: Misanthropy Showcase.

Brent
12-23-2003, 01:36 PM
I think I'll make zer0 and Mongo co-presidents of that one!

Nicole
12-23-2003, 04:37 PM
I wanna be crowned Miss Anthropy 2003! Fuck you all!

Cappy Ahab
01-15-2004, 01:59 PM
So that makes you all werewolves? There is a cure for misanthropy: garlic and silver bullets. Or else a mirror and a wooden steak. With garlic fries! Yeah. And Imhotep's magic powder.

zer0
01-15-2004, 02:03 PM
I ate human flesh once. Does that count?

Cappy Ahab
01-15-2004, 02:13 PM
Biting a hangnail does not count. Neither does licking ketchup off of grandma's thigh at Thanksgiving.

zer0
01-15-2004, 02:15 PM
But i have bathed in blood for my Dark Magic! Or wait, was that some other guy?

Cappy Ahab
01-15-2004, 02:20 PM
Yes, it was someone else...but you should always have a role model!

zer0
01-15-2004, 02:22 PM
Excuse me SIR! What need does one have of a role model when one has a prime canine comprised entirely of grade-A pork? Answer me that, if you can, SIR!!

Nicole
01-15-2004, 04:22 PM
I hate you all.

zer0
01-15-2004, 04:31 PM
I thought Australians never hated anyone? Inna da commercials on TV, they always just smile and crack open another Foster's instead of get angry, and then just let all their hatred fly away along with their sobriety.

Nicole
01-15-2004, 04:35 PM
*shakes up a can of XXXX, rool QLD beer*

*shoves it in zer0's mouth*

SPLODE! WHEE!

zer0
01-15-2004, 04:37 PM
ARGLEBARGLEGARGLE ACK ACK ACK!!!!!

Brent
01-15-2004, 09:36 PM
Better than the bum

Nicole... angry... wouldn't like... Nicole... angry

She's NULKING

Nicole
01-15-2004, 09:43 PM
*busts your chops*