Cappy Ahab
09-16-2003, 02:12 PM
Gray Davis Stays In Office: "I Don't Recall"
DATELINE CALIFORNIA TERRITORY
In exchange for his position as governor, Gray Davis has forfeited the U.S. statehood of California.
Davis spoke at a press conference outside the recently merged Krispy Kreme/Starbucks Enfoodtainment Complex in downtown Sacramento. "This is not about an election," he said. "This is not about the Republican party. This about jobs."
Job security was the number one factor in declaring California a territory, the first extraconstitutional step in a process of secession from the Union. "This act [of statehood forfeiture] will stabilize our government at the highest level. It will ensure that rolling blackouts will occur in a timely and orderly manner. It will ensure that fiscal reports will baffle the masses. In short, it will ensure that California stays Gray!"
Representatives from Nevada and Arizona cheered the move, which elevated their federal status from "Desert Wastelands" to "Sunny West Coast Destinations"
According to the Arizona Convention and Visitors Bureau (ACVB), Scottsdale will soon be declared the "New Hollywood", building on its rich film production history. Fern Mackeral, volunteer at the ACVB said, "Countless movies have been shot on location in Scottsdale: Just One of the Guys, Raising Arizona and Revenge of the Nerds. No, wait, that last one was in Tucson."
When asked if any movies had been shot in Scottsdale before or after the 1980s, Mackeral said, "I don't know. We haven't updated our 3 x 5 cards since [longtime volunteer] Eunice passed on. I think maybe so. Wasn't The Field of Dreams shot here? Or am I thinking of that other football picture?"
In a related story, the national press corps attending the press conference later admitted to "not realizing that Sacramento had a downtown."
At the conclusion of his speech, Davis assured that employment would remain a top priority in the administration of the new territory.
"My fellow Mexicans," continued Davis. "as provincial baron-lord, I will see to it that no member of the ruling class is ever without work again!"
Television's Arnold Drummond had no comment.
DATELINE CALIFORNIA TERRITORY
In exchange for his position as governor, Gray Davis has forfeited the U.S. statehood of California.
Davis spoke at a press conference outside the recently merged Krispy Kreme/Starbucks Enfoodtainment Complex in downtown Sacramento. "This is not about an election," he said. "This is not about the Republican party. This about jobs."
Job security was the number one factor in declaring California a territory, the first extraconstitutional step in a process of secession from the Union. "This act [of statehood forfeiture] will stabilize our government at the highest level. It will ensure that rolling blackouts will occur in a timely and orderly manner. It will ensure that fiscal reports will baffle the masses. In short, it will ensure that California stays Gray!"
Representatives from Nevada and Arizona cheered the move, which elevated their federal status from "Desert Wastelands" to "Sunny West Coast Destinations"
According to the Arizona Convention and Visitors Bureau (ACVB), Scottsdale will soon be declared the "New Hollywood", building on its rich film production history. Fern Mackeral, volunteer at the ACVB said, "Countless movies have been shot on location in Scottsdale: Just One of the Guys, Raising Arizona and Revenge of the Nerds. No, wait, that last one was in Tucson."
When asked if any movies had been shot in Scottsdale before or after the 1980s, Mackeral said, "I don't know. We haven't updated our 3 x 5 cards since [longtime volunteer] Eunice passed on. I think maybe so. Wasn't The Field of Dreams shot here? Or am I thinking of that other football picture?"
In a related story, the national press corps attending the press conference later admitted to "not realizing that Sacramento had a downtown."
At the conclusion of his speech, Davis assured that employment would remain a top priority in the administration of the new territory.
"My fellow Mexicans," continued Davis. "as provincial baron-lord, I will see to it that no member of the ruling class is ever without work again!"
Television's Arnold Drummond had no comment.